Just Move to Canada
Today I have scrolled through some of the worst that social media has to offer. How can we as Americans, be so upset at people who brought us Taco Bell and Margaritas. A culture that sprung up from the conquering Catholic Spanish that stamped out those wicked native genes.
This political debate has split America into two sides, Conservative or Liberal- or as I would like to say FOX or MSNBC. The Hillaries want all hard working Americans to accept the drug dealer, welfare seeking migrants with open arms. Meanwhile on the other side- The Donald’s wants to yank kids from their mothers breasts, and forever lock the children away in a dark dank dungeon. It might be the tequila talking, but I would like to propose a truce.
As well educated adults let’s not take either side of the internet trolls debate. Let’s declare ourself independent, liberated, free thinkers, and sloshed. Either side doesn’t actually fix the problem, but continually rebrand the issue in terms of “The other side is wrong.” Well hell no wonder we can’t get a budget passed till February.
It is true that immigrants just want a better life and a job. The good news for Americans is that they are not qualified to take yours. Their formative years weren’t spent in grammar school, but rather as drug mules. This early education is what makes them lazy and wanting to suck off the Statue of Liberties tit. The better news is that social security will be bankrupt in a couple of years so there won’t be anything left for them to siphon off of.
All of that doesn’t matter though, because as illegal aliens, they are criminals. Which is great news for the immigrants, because we love our criminals. Whether it be Jack Nicholson shouting “You can’t handle the truth” or Vito Corleone dancing with his daughter, we make criminals folk heroes. So illegals don’t feel bad coming here as a criminal – soon you will be able to say “Say hello to my little friend.”
However, there needs to be a compromise between those who want to tax the citizens out of existence and those that want to use illegals as target practice. This is where I come in to play. Stay with me.
A month or so back I read a Yahoo feed that said Vermont was paying 10,000 dollars for those who would move to the state. This is perfect. Why is it perfect? Glad you asked.
Since our current President has a massive hardon to build a wall then let’s wall off Vermont. We will deposit all illegals in the state and make it a Hunger Games situation. Don’t worry we will collapse the wall in six years after a new President gets elected. If after 6 years you are still alive, then we will grant you citizenship. Sounds perfect right? No – man where’s your sense of humor. Ok let’s try again
Let’s bat this shit to Alaska. Oh Alaska my favorite frozen tundra full of oil bergs how do I love thee. Let me count the ways. One: You’re cold even in August. Damn that’s all I got. Since I totally passed my high school geography class in 1994 I know that Alaska has two benefits. One it is the top slice between that trade bitch, Trudeau, and America’s bottom bread. Two. Apparently Russia can be seen from the Governor’s front step, and we hate those Commie bastards.
So let’s use Alaska as American Limbo. Until you can put a proper sentence together in English you are rehomed in our comfy northern fjords. This is perfect because you are still living in America, and if you don’t like it then you can become Canada’s problem.
If you have stayed with this article this long, then let me diverge into my sober recommendation. Why doesn’t our politicians stop worrying about filling our already crowded jails, and mobilizing our National Guard to stop the swamp monsters from the south, but instead decide that a solution is more important then being right.
Why doesn’t our celebrity worshipping media stop printing pictures of babies crying because they had their toy taken away and not their mother. Instead both can focus on what they agree upon. Illegal immigration is a problem. The laws that were past in the 90’s do not address said problem but actually make the POTUS worst than Stalin.
That’s about all we as American’s agree on. Which is great because I no more want to pay for every migrant family to be housed at the Marriott then do I want those babies chained to walls wailing for their parents. What I would like to see instead, is legislation that gives a path to citizenship for those who are not drug dealing, felonies, rapist. And, yes I know it’s illogical to tell them to go back to their country to apply.
I’m going to creep out on a limp here and say that I bet if we could get the Democrats and Republicans high on legalized marijuana, chase that shit with a margarita’s, and top it off with a burrito then they might just suggest something that makes sense. Like the ability for illegals to apply for citizenship at their local consulate here in the good ole USA.
Today I have scrolled through some of the worst that social media has to offer. How can we as Americans, be so upset at people who brought us Taco Bell and Margaritas. A culture that sprung up from the conquering Catholic Spanish that stamped out those wicked native genes.
This political debate has split America into two sides, Conservative or Liberal- or as I would like to say FOX or MSNBC. The Hillaries want all hard working Americans to accept the drug dealer, welfare seeking migrants with open arms. Meanwhile on the other side- The Donald’s wants to yank kids from their mothers breasts, and forever lock the children away in a dark dank dungeon. It might be the tequila talking, but I would like to propose a truce.
As well educated adults let’s not take either side of the internet trolls debate. Let’s declare ourself independent, liberated, free thinkers, and sloshed. Either side doesn’t actually fix the problem, but continually rebrand the issue in terms of “The other side is wrong.” Well hell no wonder we can’t get a budget passed till February.
It is true that immigrants just want a better life and a job. The good news for Americans is that they are not qualified to take yours. Their formative years weren’t spent in grammar school, but rather as drug mules. This early education is what makes them lazy and wanting to suck off the Statue of Liberties tit. The better news is that social security will be bankrupt in a couple of years so there won’t be anything left for them to siphon off of.
All of that doesn’t matter though, because as illegal aliens, they are criminals. Which is great news for the immigrants, because we love our criminals. Whether it be Jack Nicholson shouting “You can’t handle the truth” or Vito Corleone dancing with his daughter, we make criminals folk heroes. So illegals don’t feel bad coming here as a criminal – soon you will be able to say “Say hello to my little friend.”
However, there needs to be a compromise between those who want to tax the citizens out of existence and those that want to use illegals as target practice. This is where I come in to play. Stay with me.
A month or so back I read a Yahoo feed that said Vermont was paying 10,000 dollars for those who would move to the state. This is perfect. Why is it perfect? Glad you asked.
Since our current President has a massive hardon to build a wall then let’s wall off Vermont. We will deposit all illegals in the state and make it a Hunger Games situation. Don’t worry we will collapse the wall in six years after a new President gets elected. If after 6 years you are still alive, then we will grant you citizenship. Sounds perfect right? No – man where’s your sense of humor. Ok let’s try again
Let’s bat this shit to Alaska. Oh Alaska my favorite frozen tundra full of oil bergs how do I love thee. Let me count the ways. One: You’re cold even in August. Damn that’s all I got. Since I totally passed my high school geography class in 1994 I know that Alaska has two benefits. One it is the top slice between that trade bitch, Trudeau, and America’s bottom bread. Two. Apparently Russia can be seen from the Governor’s front step, and we hate those Commie bastards.
So let’s use Alaska as American Limbo. Until you can put a proper sentence together in English you are rehomed in our comfy northern fjords. This is perfect because you are still living in America, and if you don’t like it then you can become Canada’s problem.
If you have stayed with this article this long, then let me diverge into my sober recommendation. Why doesn’t our politicians stop worrying about filling our already crowded jails, and mobilizing our National Guard to stop the swamp monsters from the south, but instead decide that a solution is more important then being right.
Why doesn’t our celebrity worshipping media stop printing pictures of babies crying because they had their toy taken away and not their mother. Instead both can focus on what they agree upon. Illegal immigration is a problem. The laws that were past in the 90’s do not address said problem but actually make the POTUS worst than Stalin.
That’s about all we as American’s agree on. Which is great because I no more want to pay for every migrant family to be housed at the Marriott then do I want those babies chained to walls wailing for their parents. What I would like to see instead, is legislation that gives a path to citizenship for those who are not drug dealing, felonies, rapist. And, yes I know it’s illogical to tell them to go back to their country to apply.
I’m going to creep out on a limp here and say that I bet if we could get the Democrats and Republicans high on legalized marijuana, chase that shit with a margarita’s, and top it off with a burrito then they might just suggest something that makes sense. Like the ability for illegals to apply for citizenship at their local consulate here in the good ole USA.
